Rejourney(hey, thats not a word)

Running from God. That in itself is a contradiction isn't it? But it can be done. I have done it. I sit back and think about life just two short years ago. I was on fire for God. I was a pastor in training I guess you could call it. Then certain things rose up inside of me. Fear, idolatry, lust, greed and the list goes on. I got the idea that there was no way my faith could be shaken or my walk with God was under any kind of threat. I quit relying on God. I started to try to do it on my own. Boy was I wrong. Without God there is no way you can have a relationship with Him. So I let those temptations and distractions run wild. I started living my way. Even to the point when I heard "pray about it" or God this or that I would cringe. I was also hurt by my church family because they didn'tlive up to an expectation I had in my own head. So I became bitter, and let that bitterness fester. All this time I was miserable because I missed God so much. Coming back was a hard pill to swallow because now all my friends, co-workers, and some family thought that God was just another whim for me. I used to think before about me backsliding and say man if that happened I would do some serious damage to the faith. I would say to myself no worries that will never happen anyway. Now I will probably never know the full damage I caused till I get to the judgment seat. I also thought that God would take the calling He placed on my life away since I am unfaithful, uneducated, and lazy. But guess what....God is faithful. He has never let go of me still. He has not taken the calling off my life. He is changing my laziness and I believe that He will help me to get more educated in His word. God has grabbed hold of my heart even with my back turned to Him and said no! You are too special to me and I love you too much. Get back here. Praise Jesus! Life is awesome again. My desire to seek Him out and know Him is back. My love for people is back. My desire to spread His word is back. I am still scared to death. lol. But its all good. I like what a guy I know says "Love God, and love people". That's what its about. I am embarking on a four year systematic study of God's word. I know... four years is a long time. But what else do i have to do? anyway Ifigure I will be writing my observationsand things I am learning on here. Hope you like it. Maybe we all will learn stuff:)