It is true! God does like to yell at me. I imagine it is because He knows everything there is to know about me, and realizes that I am probably one of the most hard headed people He has made. So in His love,when He wants to send me a message, He yells at me. I love that! If it wasn't for Him yelling I am certain I would miss what He has for me.
For a long time now I have run from God and the calling He has placed on my life. Awhile back I firmly believe that God told me to carry His message to whoever He tells me to. At first I was very happy and excited about that. God would give me the courage, boldness, grace, love, patience etc. to say whatever He put on my heart to whoever came across my path. I was so happy. I was also scared. Having courage does not mean that fear is absent. Then my church gave me the opportunity to speak in front of the students. The topic was greed. I don't think I have ever been as nervous as I was the two nights I spoke. I have been to one of the toughest prisons the state of Tennessee had to offer, stayed over 4 years, and was never as nervous as I was then. Wierd huh? God got me throught that. But after that I thought to myself, "man, that is what God has called me to do but I was so scared I don't know if I want to do that anymore." So I started to let fear dictate what I did.
Right about that time weight lifting came back into my life. I love to lift weights. I love how I look when I am hitting the gym regularly. All that is fine except I take that pleasure to the limit. I obsses about every aspect of bodybuilding. I get so immersed in this world that it becomes an idol for me. So with me running from God in fear and getting into idolatry my spiritual life was dying. My role as spiritual leader of my home was cast to the side. Also my friends in the church didn't perform to a standard that I had in my mind so I became bitter at them and at church in general. I used this bitterness as an excuse as to why I wasn't going back to that church but was in no rush to find a new church. I was not heaaring from God often and when I did His voice was far away.
So I would think to myself, "well, have I done what God called me to do? Is it over? Will I die now?" Those were real questions I had. If God was done with me what was left? But God was not and is not done with me. My dad yelled at me. I started to see my life for what it was becoming. I started to feel remorse for my sins. I started to see people how God sees them. Everthing was changing. I love it! God was basically chewing me out. And I needed it. I thank Him that He chose a good chew out session instead of a more harsh form of chastisement. Don't get me wrong, the things He said to me and continues to say even as I write this are harsh. God does not pull any punches. He tells it like it is. And rightly so it is eternity we are talking about.
So what now? Well I am starting over. One of the things I was fearful of in getting in front of people talking is not knowing the subject matter well enough. I did not feel prepared and felt very inadequate. But truth be told anyone who is preaching the word of God is inadequate no matter how smart or well prepared he/she might be. But the fact is I need to study more. Period. So right now I am getting into apologetics and theology as heavy as I can. I also felt inadequate because I don't, and unless a miracle happens, won't have a formal education on theology and ethics and all that goes with a bible degree or whatever. But God has given me a fairly sharp mind. So I will endeavor to learn this stuff without having a formal education and rely on the resources God has already surrounded me with. Which is alot and I believe will be more than adequate. Not to mention I have an awesome teacher...........Jesus Himself.
I am not done with my study on psalm 15. Or will I be done posting tings of that nature when I am done. I don't really expect people to follow this blog, maybe my family will out of pity. ha ha ha. And then again I might be just talking to myself on here. I don't care. For a long time Jesus has told me to do something like this so I am just following a command. Doesn't really matter what happens with this thing as long as I am obedient. So I might be the biggest fan of this blog which is cool so have a good one, UNCHAINEDme.
Your testimony goes to prove that whomever God saves He keeps and conforms to Jesus. I've been following your blog, so you can count me in too - Sheena as well.
ReplyDeleteIf you want to study, I think that ligonier.org and gty.org have some awesome resources. I don't have any formal theological education either, but I've got those two and a couple of blogs I follow often to learn things.
But whatever you do, don't be discouraged by what you don't know. I'm confident that our Lord is more pleased by a man who knows little but practices what he knows than a man who knows mounds and mounds and practices little. Learn more, yes. Study more, yes. But be sure that you love Jesus more and more every day. John 14:21-24 - if we love Him, we will obey Him.
Grace to you, brother. Keep it coming.
I want to tell you to stay with it, my friend. I very well could have written some of your comments on my blog as well. At a young age, I felt that God had placed a calling on my life also. By not yielding to the one & only true God, I've lived a spiritually, emotionally and even physically painful life. And, like you, I started my blog with much the same intention that I feel coming from you. My fondest desire was to draw young people to my blog-simply out of love for this group, having two of my own AND the fact that my generation has failed miserably in passing our God down to them. I started my blog slowly with articles that I found interesting & that I thought young people might find interesting too. But very soon you will be seeing posts from me much more to the same tune as yours. So, again I say; STAY WITH IT! 2 Samuel 14:14 speaks of a wise woman from Tekoa who said: "Like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be recovered, so we must die. But God does not take away life; instead, He devises ways so that a banished person may not remain estranged from Him."
ReplyDeleteMay His grace, mercy and peace all be yours
Jeff